2005 in a Wrap

the year 2005 had been a roller coaster ride for me, literally and figuratively. hehe. well, here's a summary of what happened to me in 2005. per month pa ito ha, actually based on my cellphone calendar...

January
Wedding of Itan and Mitchel.. no need to say more. hehe

February
first time to serve in SE, for SE35. first time to stay also in a mot-mot dhel wala nang space sa retreat house. hehe. SE34 pastoral in astoria, then deepening encounter the next day.

March
badminton tournament of se34. saw my cousins and relatives again in bohol. my brother eric celebrated his bday there with matching lechon on black saturday. ey! my tita really asked a priest if we can lechon already and he said it was okay. hehe. started to talk to my dad again as a sign of my penitensya for the holy week. hehe.

April (the blessed month. hehe)
last pastoral metting of se34. a truly humbling experience. washing of the feet ba naman. sorry ha. ayoko kse talaga ng paa. SE34 sponsorhip! really tiring but truly blessed. with that, napatunayan ko na i can be without sleep pala for 48 hours. for the first time. siguro basta pag kay Lord, kaya. a sharer for the YLSS #24. a frightening experience for me. syempre. it would be a first time for me to bare all my experiences, feelings, secrets, hurts and everything to the BLD people and to my family. also, first time to really cry to my dad saying all my hurts to him, and after two years, hugged each other again.

May
my lola was rushed to the hospital and was just brought back to life after 5 mins. causing her to be comatosed. di tuloy ako nakasama sa galera with SE34. this somehow caused a drift between my mother and brother because of the expenses and if the plugs be pulled out or not. i really questioned God dureing these times on how this can happen to our family after serving Him faithfully and giving my all last April. then after a few weeks of having monetary problems, He showed us light. hehe. He made my sister win in a raffle here in the office. kahit na yung cash prize is smaller than the bill, it still helped my mom with the expenses.

June
Hillsong Concert. Let's Dance for the Lord. first time to share in SE for SE OLAP. sobrang had time to bond with Ate Jopay and Kuya Marvin. nakarating pa sa house ni Kuya Marvin in Marikina and helped prepare kare-kare. proud! hehe.

July
had my LSS again thru the LSS41 and i have known that something big will happen with my lola. the next day, i had a business trip to Bohol. that was a monday. wednesday early morning, around 2am, my mom called me to tell me that my lola passed away already.

AUGUST
got to bond with ate dodie coz it was only the two of us who explored our way to the Bamboo Organ Church in Las Piñas for their SE. went to Boracay on a personal travel and stayed in the same resort where i stayed when i was with rlyn. visited our Regional Office in Iloilo and met the people there at long last after a year of only talking to them on the phone. express wedding of zettes and rico.

September
St. Scho LSS5. got to share again, and everybody who went up on stage to greet me, just walked by and left me. parang dinaanan lang ako :) became the ninang of hans rugas.

October
visited lb once again. and for the first time in years, naikot ko ang campus. di lang ako sa white house, kitanglad and grove. hehe. bonded with Jopay, Anna, Tatee, Beng and Giselle. learned a lot about them and i realized that i am blessed. started to be blog-addict. hehe. led the Worship of Youth's Prayer Meeting. attended the despedida of SE34's Ian, which had been a reunion for us.

November
my bday!!! potluck party in lb. and a disney princess party in mcdo. truly! a memorable bday for me. BLD Youth's Concert. St. Schoo LSS6 where Tito Wing, Tita Babylyn and Tita Margie went up on stage. making them look like the characters in my sharing. hehe. my mom had an operation and was rushed to the hospital.

December
attended a bday celebration in a mausoleum. first time to travel in Bacolod for official purposes. overnight lang but really pure work. tried their chicken inasal, and it is really yummy!!! it's totally different from what i taste in chicken inasal restaurants here. Christmas parties here, there and everywhere. despedida for Ate Anna. and got a chance to see again my friend from college who is now based in US.

just got to mention this. movie of the year for me: Nasaan Ka Man. it was my movie of the year because it's a movie that is underpromoted but really is a great film. nakakaiyak. my sister had a chance to watch it only the other day and also cried. hehe. basta maganda sya. and the actors Diether, Claudine and Jericho really did great jobs in portraying theit roles. Especially Diether. If you have a chance to get a copy of this movie, watch it.

well, that's pretty much my year 2005.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Christmas is for Kids

i watched joey de leon's life story yesterday in magpakailanman. he mentioned when he was interviewed that "Ang Pasko ay para sa mga bata." well, he also said that for adults, it's for love and rekindling of friendship.

i believe that Christmas is for kids. hwen i was still a kid myself, Christmas is my favorite season. because this means we're going to bohol and see my cousins then swim at the beach, receive gifts, etc etc. then we went back to manila, more gifts from santa. yes! i really believed in santa when i was still young. then i grew up. no more santa, no more going to bohol coz it's expensive and my lolo is gone already. Christmas is now just dinner together with my mom leading a personal prayer before meals, and pretty much that's just it. an ordinary day.

for this Christmas, even if it will be just another day for our family, i hope that our love for each other will overflow. the love of my dad for us will rekindle and the happiness we felt when we were still together, would be felt again and more. and anyway, Christmas is not about me, it's about Jesus. it's His birthday!

to my friends and to those who just came across this blog, MERRY CHRISTMAS! and i pray that you would not forget to invite Him in His birthday celebration :)

Finally! the Pictures!

my highschool friends

SE34 girls (parang antok na si ate baby ha)

BLD Youth (now Singles) friends

of course, happy birthday to me :)

my sister (humahabol sa katawan ko. hehe), my childhood bestfriend tina and her boyfriend danny

My Kids

some of my officemates brought their kids in our office tomorrow for the children's xmas party, which includes my unit head. anyway, during the party my officemate went out and left her kids in the xmas party. then suddenly her 5-year old son left the party and was looking for his mom. he was really in the brink of crying. i had to make up a story that she was just in the restroom. smart kid coz he went to the restroom and when he discovered his mom was not there, started crying. i'm glad i followed him. he just cried and cried. i made up all the stories that i can just to make him stop crying. then my harsh officemates pretended to be angry at him for crying, one even saying that he will circumcise the kid if he'll not stop crying. well, this made him stop crying.

but this incident made me think. how would i be as a parent. i swore to myself that i'll not spank my children. i never experienced it when i was a kid and i don't want my children to experience it also. but with how i handled the kid awhilke ago, i'm scared that i may spoil my kids. i hope not. i'm amazed at how my parents raised us up. i mean we are not spoiled brats. if you want to contest me not being a brat, it's not because of my parents. it's because of someone else, am sure. hehe.

i just hope that when i have kids, i'll be able to raise them up in an environment that is Christ-centered and my children will not be spoiled brat but can still feel loved. can you give me an idea on how i can achieve this? duh! as if i'll have kids soon :)

wishful thinking

when i was a kid, i had great dreams, high hopes, good wishes for the future. i can see my self in ten to twenty years time. where i'll be, my house, how i look like, my work, everything. i have planned my future. but life happened. now i don't know where i am. it's like i can't see myself, i can't describe myself. this is not the way i saw myself when i was 5 years old. i'll be honest, i don't want to dream anymore. it's like i'm losing hope. i know it's bad, but that's really how i feel right now. i don't like to dream coz i know it won't happen. or if ever i daydream, it's just for the joy that somehow, i can experience these in my life even just in dreams. i'm not talking about lovelife here but life in general.

my officemate once commented when he read my blog, "parang ang lungkot ng buhay mo..." honestly, i didn't feel that way. but now, parang i feel that way. depression mode ba ako now? ewan ko ba. haaay...

Prayer for the Heart

recently, i had been heartbroken (all together: YUN NA!)Ü hehehe. just kidding. just to catch your attention. hehe. i just want to share to singles out there a beautiful prayer that my sister gave me. thanks Yan, i now know that you want me to be happy and safe...

Dear Heavenly Father,

I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should have been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping.

Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what You deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what You desire for me.

As I embrace You as the lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day You present me to the mate that You have selected for me.

Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name. AMEN!

Prayer of a Frustrated Doctor

my mom was rushed to the hospital last wednesday night. while waiting for the decision of the doctors if she will be admitted, i spent some time first in the chapel praying to God. i asked God to heal my mom, and i told Him that i know He can heal her. then i shifted gear. i then told Him to give me and my siblings faith and acceptance to whatever will happen, to His will.

after some time, i realized that i'm afraid to ask God for something. i totally have faith in God, with His powers and capabilities. i know nothing is impossible with Him. i prayed this way because i'm afraid what if God has other plans for my mom, for our family. i'm afraid to be disappointed. i might lose faith in Him. thus my shift in gear with my prayers. to have an accepting heart with whatever His will is. but i hope it is for my mom to get healed.

since it was unplanned that my mom would stay in the hospital yesterday, i took a leave of absence from the office to be her bantay. when i was still a child, i really wanted to be a doctor. that is my dream. i can be other things also, but still a doctor. but when i grew up, i became afraid. i didn't choose medicine for the fear that my patients would die at my hands. i don't know how to face it. anyway, yesterday, when i was with my mom. i tried to be nurse to her. helping her change her clothes without the aid of the nurse. assisted her when she threw up and stuff. i'm sorry to admit this, but it really grossed me out when cleaning my mom's vomit and seeing her wound bleed. i guess i don't have what it takes to be a doctor. and it really made me admire the doctors and nurses more with their humility.