Thursday, July 01, 2004

church and faith

Was watching The Practice kanina. And there had been a case where a guy was molested by a priest when he was 18. Well, yung two leads, Bobby and Eugene, nagkaasaran. Coz Bobby is somewhat against the case, and si Eugene he really wanted it. Until Eugene told Bobby what his problem is, it’s because he’s too Catholic. He can’t accept the fact that there are priests out there who do molest innocent youth. And he wants Bobby to get mad as he is to the priests, and stop giving contributions to the church and just leave. Bobby, then talked to one of the other lawyers also who is too catholic. He asked if di ba sya naiilang sa mga accusations sa priests and stuff. Sbe nung other lawyer, sometimes he can’t sleep nga and he pictures God with a human image, he sometimes pictures God as a priest. Syempre naman, coz parang the priest is the closest to God. But I can’t agree more with what he said when asked if he considered leaving the church. He said, the Church is the faith that you and me have.
Mejo can relate kse ako. I have considered once also of changing religions coz of priests. Well, hindi naman ako na-molest, pero nainis ako sa priest. Na parang they are God’s instrument, God is using them to show His love for us. Pero why are they so mean, why are they so judgmental, tapos yung mga nane-news pa, and etc. etc. Basta nainis lang ako sa isang homily ng priest. So, the next day I texted some BLD Youth for lunch para madiscuss toh. Sobrang confused tlga ako that moment, and mejo decided, but I want to have an opinion of others pa rin before I really do decide. Kaya khet nagyaya yung bago kong boss non na maglunch, I declined and meet with the Youth. Lakas din ng loob ko mag-hindi sa boss noh? Hehe. Anyway, buti na lang I talked to Ate Jopay and Ate Jopay told me that if ever ba I’ll leave and find another I think the leaders there would be perfect. As always been said there’s no perfect community. I know there would be no perfect leaders, pero I was still contemplating about it pa din. I still heard Mass later that afternoon, and asked God kung ano ba tlga. I mean I believe that the Catholics and other religions believe in the same God. So, sbe ko sa Kanya, ano ba mawawala saken? So what happened? Why am I still Roman Catholic? Because God told me to just have faith in him. That the Church still commits mistake coz it’s still composed of humans. And diba nga sbe sa LSS, we are weak and bound to sin? Pero how do we sin ba? It’s because of freewill. Priests also have freewill, and other religious people. They are human and still make mistakes. Kaya nga we are made e. Coz if there are others who make mistakes, we are there to correct it or show others that not all are like them and there are still others who are good. And we should just have faith.
After watching the show, I’ve realized that my faith is stronger than before. Coz I think that if I have watched it before, I’ll again think twice of my religion. Baka magpachange na din ako. Pero kanina, khet na siguro mejo Catholicism didn’t win over, I still believe in the Church that I belong to. Maybe that’s what over ten years of studying in a Catholic school can do to you. :)

Wednesday, June 30, 2004


it's been over a month already since i last posted here. well, what's new with me? nothing really. still a bum.. realizing my dreams with chocolates.. and trying to get to as much places as possible why i still have no work.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

I have realized that looking for a job can be compared to looking for a partner in life.. remember when they compare love to waiting for the rught bus? Well, i believe that finding the right job for you is like that also. Before, if a job would come my way, the first job that would arrive, I would grab. But now, a lot of job offers I forego. Why am I very choosy now? Well, it's because if I'll work now, I want to stay there for a long time already. I would want to grow old there and hopefully to be fulfilled and happy with what am doing. Why? What do I like? I do not know. That's what I want to find out also. God, please help and guide me...

Friday, April 30, 2004

Opposite of Love

I was watching a Filipino telenovela the other night. And a line really struck me. “The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.” Well, I guess it is really true for me. Coz even if you say that you totally hate this person, but always pays attention to him and thinks often about him, then you still love the person. But if you say you love a person but you’re indifferent to him and becoming insensitive to his feelings, then think again if you still really love that person. And don’t people get more hurt if the one they care about is indifferent to them?

Monday, April 19, 2004

Am I that bad already? I had been to two retreats already, and it’s not yet the middle of the year. I hope not. My guess is maybe God is answering my prayers through these retreats. And it is true. My prayers were answered except for one. Does that mean I’ll be attending another retreat again before the end of the year?!?!

This leads me to another topic. Why do I hurt someone I love so much and someone who loves me? With regards to my family, I have answered that question already. But with regards to a special friend… a special relationship, I am still reflecting on it. Maybe I am bad after all. I had been selfish. I still can’t understand how can I hurt someone who have only shown me love. Can someone help me understand??

Sunday, April 11, 2004

I just came back from visiting provinces in Visayas and Mindanao. Don't ask me about the tourist spots there for I did not have any opportunity to visit those places. But I enjoyed my stay in the provinces I have visited. Also, at last I have reached Mindanao. And been to Camiguin. But just left me bad memories. The people there are really warm and hospitable except for some. But never got to enjoy the sites I dreamed of visiting coz I had an accident just before I get to go. Sad.. Well, all I got in Camiguin are accidents and scars. I hope next time I visited that place, I'll fully enjoy it. Next stop.. Batanes (i hope soon..) :)

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I love to eat, as obviously seen in my body. I also love trying out new restaurants. One of my goals is to try out all the restaurants in Greenbelt 2 and 3 before, if ever, they’ll close down. Another dream is to be a food/ restaurant critic in magazines or newspapers. But I doubt that it can happen since I am not a professional writer and writing is one of my waterloos. That’s why I had been thankful with blog somehow, at least I can express my thoughts and practice being a critic. Hehe.

Anyway, last Saturday was the graduation of my brother, Eric, from Grade7. And just as any family after graduation, we dined out. My dad suggested that we should eat in Greenbelt since I’ll be coming from Makati, and maybe he’s thinking that in this way he’ll not spend much. But me and my siblings goal is to squeeze to the last centavo all the money of my dad. So, my sister suggested Nuvo, a fine dining restaurant in Greenbelt2. The place is known for it’s being a fine dining restaurant. Of course, we tried what could be the most expensive meal. Some food fancy me, however, it seems like the resto is fond of goose liver so much, that almost every meal has goose liver for its sidings. I am not fond of goose liver. So, I settled with blue marlin with prawns. As for other fine dining restos, this is not a place for heavy eaters. This is an ideal place for those who are on diet or who are in a date and doesn’t want to eat a lot. Food arrive in less time. I liked the prawns, however, the blue marlin is a little salty. The rice had been good for me its serving was half-cup, since this is my ideal serving of rice. My brother ordered tenderloin steak, which is tasty (I’ve tried it) and the sidings of baked potatoes are cooked in a healthy way. But I should have ordered the same as the one beside our table since they have to call the chef and commend him. Maybe, it would be more satisfying for me if I have tasted the food same as hers.

One of my fetish are the washrooms. I want to know if they’re clean and homey. Scary person as I am, there are many washrooms that were really scary to use. Scary could mean from dirty to really scary as in I am scared that I could find a ghost. In Nuvo, the washroom was of a size that can accommodate two to three people. But the unique thing about their washroom and that most will remember is their sink. The sink was of flat design. It is like a make-up room, where you can place down your things while you fix yourself, since it is of a flat design. You would not think of it as a sink except that it has a faucet above it, attached to the window. There is no drainage even, and no sign of where the water will go. Honestly, I was thinking twice if it was a sink. Then I tried it and yes it is a sink. Where does the water go? It goes down to the side of the mirror. How it goes there and not the other side? Well, I think you better ask an architect.

If asked if I will try Nuvo again, I definitely will, and I wish by that time I will ask for the chef and commend him for a job well done.

Monday, March 22, 2004

Previously on my life: Papa’s girl/ to be seen everywhere except at home/ can lend money to anyone/ have an active social life/ knows what’s happening with everybody

Today on my life: doesn’t talk to my dad/ just to be seen at home/ doesn’t have money even to lend for myself/ don’t talk much to anyone/ is not familiar anymore with what’s the latest

What’s happening to me? It seems like everything is happening the other way around. Yes, I am a homebody now. I know all the telenovelas on TV. Honestly, the present life bores me. I miss having excitement in my life. I just hope that the near future will bring the previous feelings I had that made me love life.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

“When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” This is a famous line from the book, The Alchemist. But honestly, I feel otherwise nowadays. I feel that the universe is conspiring against me.

I resigned from my work last December to pursue my dream even if God is telling me not to (another story). And that dream is to teach or become a teacher in the pre-school level. But as the events would have it, it seems like teaching doesn’t like me; just as music is to me. Of course, I have a back-up…business. People would tell me that they really see me having a business of my own, or into sales. So, I tried to follow their advice. I used the last salary I received from my previous job in buying ingredients for making cookies. Because I am a beginner with no real experience in baking, I first tried the Milo cookies. I got the recipe from the Milo free taste at my brother’s family day. But it was failure. It burned, and every other possible defect that can happen, happened. I know I made a mistake somewhere, like sifting the flour and chilling the ingredients. So, for the next batch of cookies, this time Peanut butter Raisin Cookies, I sifted the flour, chilled the ingredients and followed religiously the instruction. Bam! This time it was worse. My family didn’t even let me baked the other mixed ingredients left. And for those that were baked? It was thrown out after two days, without touching it. Yes, my family and I did not force ourselves to eat it.

Now, I’m into a new venture. The chocolate business. I am proud to say that can do this and excel in making chocolates. But does my entire future depend with the chocolates? I do not know.

I had been a member of the unemployed since January. Before I resigned, two of my friends told me that I easily find jobs coz God truly loves me, unlike them. Honestly, I do not think so. I believe that God loves us equally, it’s just that I really have faith in Him. And I really do believe in my life verse, Mk 11:24, “Therefore, I tell you, whatever you for in prayer, believe you have received it, and it shall be given to you.” One reason I could just resign before even if I still do not have any job waiting because I believed that God will take care of me. Honestly, now I am kinda losing hope. I don’t know till when will I be part of the unemployed. And I don’t know what career to pursue. I really don’t know. But one thing I do know, I will not contradict God again in what He tells me even if I want to give up already.