Sing Me Your Song Again..

i don't know what's with this week but i really miss papa so much this week. death is truly another thing than being separated. coz before, even if we don't talk, i know he was just there. that it will just be a phase. and i was right. but now, it's death. it's like it's over.

i have to admit, i still have not really accepted his death. when i pray for him on my own, most of the time my next lines would be.. "Lord, serious? he's really dead?" then i would think that maybe we killed him more having him cremated, coz it's like since he is cremated, he won't have a chance to rise again, incase it was a mistake that he died. and this is coming from me who saw him die. hehe.

and then i got to listen to Jose Mari Chan's Sing Me Your Song Again Daddy. which made me miss him more. and of course this made me cry. coz last yr (or was it two years ago?), meyms mentioned that song and i listened to it, and i already cried. and that was a time he was still alive and death is far from our minds. so what more now, that he is not here. that song is a special song. why? coz it was literally my song for him when i was still a kid. i think he knows it. so, it makes it sad for me.

for those who don't know the song, here it is..

My Number One Reader

i lost a reader last year. though he always denied that he reads my blog, i know he did. how? 1) he would ask me questions that i haven't mentioned nto him or anyone except my blog; 2) when i looked at the monitor screen one time, he tried to look at another window but i can see the minimized window below; 3) my blog's url is listed in his phone

so why was he reading my blog? either he is interested in my life, or he is trying to see if i have written something about him again. well, i can't blame him. i think more than half of the time, i have mentioned him in my entries. i think he is the one person i have mentioned most here. we even fought once because of something he has read in my blog that has really hurt him.

so as my honor to him, i will write once in a while about him. and i guess, i should add another tag/label that is about him. i would not write about him just because he is an avid reader of my blog (feeler! hahaha), but i guess that's my way to remind the world about him. i know our relationship was damaged before and was not restored back to it's original state but i don't think he should be forgotten. he had been my pillar for 20 years, and even afterwards (but not as much). and because of him, i have proven the saying: the more you hate, the more you love. because even if i hated him so much before, i still loved him so much that's why it was really painful. nope, he never apologized to me but forgiveness is still something i am trying to give him. yes, i cannot say i have truly forgiven him coz even after his death, there are still instances i would learn that would hurt me as his daughter, but one thing for sure, i love him. and i am thankful that he is my father.

Closure

This is my brother's eulogy for my papa. i entitled it Closure coz after his speech, everyone who heard it kept on telling me that finally eric had closure.

thank you to family and friends who had been with us not only during the wake but also two weeks ago when he was admitted to the hospital. you truly are blessings to us. will write a post about my dad soon.

Ric is the nickname that his loved ones used to call him.

Each and every day, they would all smile and laugh with him.

Cherished to Elizabeth Racho, his only chick,

To his kids also: TIntin and Yanyan and Eric.

Oh, they had a wonderful and fantabulous life.

Then Recto committed something that is very wrong.

Adultery was what he did and actually longed.

“Betrayed! Why have you done this?” His family queried.

And he said, “It just happened.” Did he want to be freed?

Ringing and then thundering in his family’s ears

Are pain, hatred and other emotions which bring tears.

None of these, however, could really bring back our dad.

Zoned away from his family because of his bad,

Away he set off, with his family’s relatives.

Recto was a man who thought with logic and freely.

And even though he had done this to his family,

Cherished Beth, TIntin, Yanyan and Eric still love him.

How they wish, again, to kiss him and to embrace him.

Oh, because they all had a wonderful life with him.

It’s true that he is not the perfect and best father.

Sure, there are those who do not leave their children’s mother,

And those who’ll choose their family over another.

God, however, has given Ric to my family.

Regardless of all his faults, he still loved us deeply.

Even until his death, we all still took care of him.

And it’s because we love him, and not due to some whim.

This, even, can’t fully express our love for Papa.

Finally, he taught us what a true family is.

And on his bed, he gave effort to give us a kiss.

Teaching us to be independent or on our own,

He taught us to be faithful and to reap what we’ve sown.

Especially now, may Papa be with Our Father.

Recto Tabaranza Racho is a great father.