Wednesday, March 10, 2004

“When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” This is a famous line from the book, The Alchemist. But honestly, I feel otherwise nowadays. I feel that the universe is conspiring against me.

I resigned from my work last December to pursue my dream even if God is telling me not to (another story). And that dream is to teach or become a teacher in the pre-school level. But as the events would have it, it seems like teaching doesn’t like me; just as music is to me. Of course, I have a back-up…business. People would tell me that they really see me having a business of my own, or into sales. So, I tried to follow their advice. I used the last salary I received from my previous job in buying ingredients for making cookies. Because I am a beginner with no real experience in baking, I first tried the Milo cookies. I got the recipe from the Milo free taste at my brother’s family day. But it was failure. It burned, and every other possible defect that can happen, happened. I know I made a mistake somewhere, like sifting the flour and chilling the ingredients. So, for the next batch of cookies, this time Peanut butter Raisin Cookies, I sifted the flour, chilled the ingredients and followed religiously the instruction. Bam! This time it was worse. My family didn’t even let me baked the other mixed ingredients left. And for those that were baked? It was thrown out after two days, without touching it. Yes, my family and I did not force ourselves to eat it.

Now, I’m into a new venture. The chocolate business. I am proud to say that can do this and excel in making chocolates. But does my entire future depend with the chocolates? I do not know.

I had been a member of the unemployed since January. Before I resigned, two of my friends told me that I easily find jobs coz God truly loves me, unlike them. Honestly, I do not think so. I believe that God loves us equally, it’s just that I really have faith in Him. And I really do believe in my life verse, Mk 11:24, “Therefore, I tell you, whatever you for in prayer, believe you have received it, and it shall be given to you.” One reason I could just resign before even if I still do not have any job waiting because I believed that God will take care of me. Honestly, now I am kinda losing hope. I don’t know till when will I be part of the unemployed. And I don’t know what career to pursue. I really don’t know. But one thing I do know, I will not contradict God again in what He tells me even if I want to give up already.