I Want to Understand

before the year 2009 ended, i had a plan for the beginning of 2010. but as i mentioned before, 2009 was a year of rejection for me. that meant my plans for 2010 was not able to push thru. yes, i admit, it saddened me. and my sister was really affected (which touched me). i replaced that plan with something else. a first-time for me, something i enjoyed also. but still it was different. until now, i still can't understand why it happened. i still want to know why. why God chose a different plan. this year, when i hear that that plan of mine is happening to other people.. of course i'm happy for them but still my heart feels a little hurt. i'm not sure if i'm obvious but one time when someone announced it to me and my sister, my sister asked me afterwards if my heart stopped when i heard about it. fine, i admit. i am bitter. why won't i be? i wanted it so bad. and it was really disheartening since i did it honestly. yes, another reason why i was so bitter. and it's like it is happening to everyone except me, and i wanted it more than them. it was something i was planning for. i should not really plan. sigh