i've realized something last weekend. that when you say my name, you will smile. may it be Kristine or Tin-tin.
try it. say it with me... Kristine... Tin-tin.
maybe that's why i love to smile, because my name can put a smile on your face. :)
i was really down last night and i don't know why. i felt that i am just nobody. not even an anybody, but really a nobody. even to my friends and family. well, except for ace. i went to the Blessed Sacrament yesterday before going home, and i did really cry. i just cried and cried and i have no idea why.
then i remembered when me and my sister were still kids. i was the goody type and she really is the naughty type. but i would feel that she is more-liked than i am. honestly, i wanted to have a change of attitude and be a bitch. but i can't do it. i would always remember the golden rule: "Don't do unto others what yuo don't want others to do unto you."
praying in the Blessed Sacrament made me realize why I appreciate ace so much. ace is the only person who appreciates me and who believes in me, more than i believe in myself. ace and i would forever remain just friends. with the insecurity problems and rejection moods i feel, would i ever find a guy who would appreciate me much.. who would make me feel special?
Another reason why even if it’s already late and I still write this blog is because I was really touched with two friends in real and blog life. Hehe. Ate Jopay and Kuya Marvin.
I live in QC and I attend the prayer meetings of BLD in Makati. I have been doing this for ten years already. Going to and from the prayer meetings have not been a problem. Especially now with MRT. But the good thing about BLD, especially the Youth, they are concerned with you. They would make sure that if you have a ride home and if your house is on the way, they’ll bring you home. Home as in really at your house and not just drop you off somewhere near. Through this, I have gained a number of friends already, like the Aguila family (saying, Merville na sila).
Back to the story. I was just touched with this couple. Coz I didn’t expect that they’ll really look for someone who could bring me home. Even asking the waiter of Teriyaki Boy. Hehe. I have insisted of joining them for dinner already, and still they treat me for dinner. Oh no! Jops, pano na budgeting nyo?
Maybe I was totally touched because I did not expect it from them. You really proved that if it’s from BLD, then it must be real friends. Thanks.
This morning during the flag ceremony, I was tasked to give out the inspirational message. Promise! I had a hard time thinking of a topic. As my YM status message said the other day, “Inspirational message?! Di nga ako mainspire eh.” After browsing all the teachings of BLD, I came across a story which I used. The story of the matchstick. How he admired the light, and after being rubbed in a rough surface, he realized that the light is just within him.
As I practiced to read aloud my speech, I realized that the speech is for me. I did not ask kanina how my speech went. Because as I pray everytime I share, that there’ll be one heart that will be blessed by my sharing. With my speech this morning, I know a heart was blessed. My heart.
Ang galling lang! Coz last Saturday night, I was in the brink of crying because I can’t see where I am now. Then my speech. Then the prayer meeting, Gwadz prayed over me. Without telling her what to pray for coz I really don’t know what, she said the right words. What I want to happen in my life.. to be perfect for God. I guess right now, that’s what really matters for me. How to be perfect for God. And with all that’s happening with my life, I am like the matchstick, being rubbed in a rough surface to emit light. Sabagay, kung walang rough surface sa life ko, wala akong sharing.
P.S. Special thanks to Bro. Arun for sharing the story of the matchstick. Dru, for the notes you tirelessly e-mail us. And to Ace for editing my speech.
